Today I will be discussing five things you can do to become assertive without being aggressive. I will detail these five things and end with some final thoughts.
The idea behind this artificial came to me when I noticed someone yelling and screaming at someone who had offended them with something they said.
I thought to myself that (this person could have handled the situation entirely differently.) If you are being brought to the point of yelling and screaming, something is wrong inside you, and whether that is you are overwhelmed or just overly emotional, the problem is really with you more than the other person.
This made me think maybe if I pointed this out to anyone willing to listen, they could be assertive rather than aggressive, and they would likely have a better and more effective outcome. Just maybe I would stop seeing so many scenes like this one.
I then wrote down five things I do to be assertive without getting angry or aggressive.
The first of these five things is to stay calm, aka breath.
Stay Clam:
I know how hard it can be in certain situations to even think to breathe or stay calm, let alone actually do it. However, taking that breath could save you lots of time and heartache. Staying calm and letting people know what you think in the most excellent way is key to resolving issues without creating more.
A really good technique to try is taking a deep breath in and pausing for a second or two before speaking. This will help you remain calm and speak clearly in any situation.
It might also help to make sure that you take at least 15 to 20 minutes every day to rid yourself of any negative you might have faced throughout your day. This will keep your energy clear and more capable of handling these moments when they arrive.
Make The Choice To Stay Positive:
Most people do not realize it is a choice to stay positive, but yes, it is. You must make the conscious choice to remain positive, and a part of that is to speak positively even when you might be frustrated or angry.
Something that you could try is to smile before you speak. Smiling will help relax you, making you more likely to say things more positively.
Another technique you can try to help you remain positive throughout your day is affirmations. Repeating a mantra or affirmation in your mind throughout the day will help you stay positive and focused in your moment, thus less likely to react to any negative situation you may face.
Take The Problem Solving Approach:
When an argument ensues, most people simply react rather than respond; thus, in most cases, they make the problem worse rather than better. However, if you approach a disagreement with a problem-solving attitude, you will find several things will happen.
- You will be more open to listening and thus pausing before you speak.
- The situation that was once full of emotion will calm down and likely slow down.
- You will respond rather than react.
- You will resolve the problem rather than make it worse.
- You will build a better relationship with that person or persons.
It is extremely helpful to face any disagreement with a problem-resolving attitude and with open ears, an open mind, and a closed mouth until you know the real problem.
Aim For Open And Honest Communication:
The biggest key to being assertive is to speak your mind without being offensive or vulgar toward the person you talk with. Although this may be hard, remember you are trying to resolve the problem, not make it worse, or at least I hope you are.
Many people are misled to think that the only way to be assertive is to be passive and just agree with the other person. However, that is not true, and in the end, it will not resolve the problem.
You must speak your mind and let the other person know what you are thinking.
Just as you should be open to hearing what the other people think or feel about the situation, they must also be available to listen to what you think and feel. Without a two-way street, the problem really can’t be resolved.
Use I Statements:
If you have read any self-development books or seen a therapist, you will know all about “I” statements but for those who have not. My statement is about taking responsibility for your emotions, thoughts, and feelings rather than placing blame, which is what “you” statements are all about.
‘I’ statements are important in solving any problem or issue. It also requires you to evaluate your own thoughts and feelings before speaking to others which allows you to be withdrawn from your emotions and thus more assertive.
Final Thoughts:
I know that it is likely a lot to remember if this is the first time you have heard of it. However, doing these five things will allow you to face just about any situation with an approach that will not only resolve issues but also build your relationships with others and, more importantly, your confidence in your own ability to handle any situation you might face.
Remember to take at least 15 minutes for yourself every day along with a smile and a positive affirmation or positive reinforcement of some kind, and you can pretty much take on the whole world and be just fine at the end of the day.
If you found this article informative, please let me know by giving it a like or leaving a comment below. Also, if you know someone who could benefit from this information, please feel free to share this with them. Until next week, Namaste
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